Managing Disappointment with Youth
Alexander Chan, Ph.D., LMFT, 4-H Educator
Although many youth may experience relief at being out of school for the time being, many of our graduating seniors (either in high school or college) will feel the disappointment of significant events being cancelled. Prom, sports, artistic performances, robotics competitions, graduations - these are all things that many youth eagerly anticipate. In many cases, significant work goes into being able to participate in these events that are now cancelled. Disappointment is fueled by a cognitive focus on the contrast between present circumstances and the fulfillment / enjoyment they had anticipated deriving from these events.
Whether you are a parent or not, the following strategies may be useful to help youth to whom you are connected navigate the disappointment.
- · Allow for the expression of disappointment during this initial period of upheaval. It feels good for children to have a parent / adult demonstrate attunement to their feelings. Start an empathic statement by saying something like, "If I were you, I would be so disappointed to miss out on [baseball season, prom, the robotics challenge, etc.] "
- · Watch for prolonged expressions of disappointment. Within a few days, youth should move past the disappointment and accept that certain things are not going to happen as they had predicted.
- o If you notice extended periods of sadness, crying, or irritability, you may need to intervene and have further discussion on what is fueling these emotions.
- · One industry that has not been up-ended by telework is mental health. Many providers are geared up for remote appointments if that becomes a necessary step for your kids.
For further information, see this article on managing anxiety during the coronavirus crisis.